A New Me?

Some ex-cg members missed my lameness when fellowshipping with the cell group.
But I need to confess.
After what happened, everything in me changed.
I realised that I cannot take things with a light-hearted manner or else I will be prosecuted.
I need to take things very seriously.
See my attitude now. It's totally changed. No more the light-hearted me, I am stressed out. Totally stressed out. Sick and tired. Of life. Of everything!
Cos what happened is not entirely my fault. I only admitted that it was because I didn't wanna continue this.
I am sick and tired of these arguments and quarrels. They felt that it was better for me to leave so that it will not affect other cg members.
Sorry to my ex-cg members.
And great job to some who are trying to forget me. (I am not being sarcastic but I sincerely feel that it is what u should do)

Pastor Kong's recent messages are totally confusing me.
If it is right to follow a dream, then why is this happening?
I know that pple will try and stop me, but what if it is this group of people?
I am totally stuck.

I am so far away from Him now. I am so stale in fellowship.
When I go to church, I go alone. I am in the auditorium alone. In the cafe alone.
I cannot face up to my friends in ministry. They know that something is wrong.
Especially when I suddenly left. I just... I almost cried when I see people fellowshipping.
I got no support, no backbone in church now.

Join a new cg?
But after what happened, do u think it will be easy for me?
I am human. I got feelings.

That's all.

Regd,
ur ex-brother in cg